Pre-Review Review: Pretty Sure There’s a Better Word for That

I have a problem.


Well, okay, it’s not quite like that. I enjoy many things. I loathe many others. In essence, I feel strongly toward 150% of everything out there. My passion defies mathematical boundaries. Yes, there are ideas and objects that are beyond materialization that draw my ire/praise.

That guy that has a comment for every situation who thinks himself as the height of hilarity: he has two thumbs and is me. The two thumbs comment? Just figured you might want anatomical clarification. But me? I’m not the jerk who spews remarks consistently when inappropriate related to the time and place. Well, most the time. Well, at least a bit.

Look, I’m not here to crack wise and critique at a funeral. At least not loudly. Well, at least your deafer relatives won’t hear. I mean, it’s not like they react when they do hear me, right? I may be the only person whom A) is asked to RSVP to funerals and B) is told the cemetery is at capacity, and I should offer my sympathies in the privacy of my home.


Also, sorry for the meme. I’ll get maintenance to take care of that.

For those who don’t actually know me, no, I’m not THAT big of a jackass. I do have smartassery furled in a bag ready for unleashing. But there are those moments that seem pointless on which to comment. There are services, products, and situations out there that don’t seem worthwhile to critique.

That’s what I’m here for. Also, to make up words and end sentences prepositionally* with.

“Cleverything” is my way to comment on anything and everything. A bottle of wine? Sure, I’ll criticize that. The concept of time? Let’s see the pros and cons of that. The effect of my current deodorant? Grosser, but just as equally interpretable.

Each post will be lined with notions relating to the ups, down, and middles for whatever I’m poking. I’ll sum each object/idea/whatever with a three-point reviewing system.

Let’s start with this post!

Readability: Passable. While the words are technically English, this post could be read as if a comprehensible idea was offered a 3-day, all expenses paid vacation in a sheisty blender and had to stay an extra night because bad weather prevented the plane’s takeoff.

Humor: B-. Were I to be purely biased, then I would rate this as “A++++++++!!! WOULD READ AGAIN,” but I will be the first to admit that I have no idea what audience I’m writing this for. Also, I’d be the last to admit it since I’m the only one writing here.

Purpose: 1 of 5. Or 5 of 5. It’s the internet: what’s the point in any of it? Cats and porn, right? Also, cliché comments about cats and porn.

I figure that this is a pretty easy relationship; I write, you read, you vomit, I judge the projection/consistency/odor of said vomit, I make that a new post, rinse, repeat, and physically rinse up the puke.

Let me point out one eeeeensy little thing: I am in no way, shape, or form an expert on what I expect will be a majority of my discussions. What I am a master of is one thing: passion. Well, two things: passion and gum. Actually, thr…y’know what? Nevermind. The point is: I will write, prod at, and relay everything in terms of my own knowledge with a little help from proper sources. I’d likely not write about it if I didn’t feel strongly one way or another.

And, class, if you were paying attention…that would be 150% of everything.

-And, um…well. That’s that.

*Except “prepositionally” is apparently a word. Thanks, spellcheck!


One thought on “Pre-Review Review: Pretty Sure There’s a Better Word for That

Spill Them Beans

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